Like all reality T.V. contestants, I, too, yearn to die of acute embarrassment. In preparation for my demise, I'll get "real" by being rude. Then I'll apply for a job I don't want with people I can't stand, eat some bugs, lose 300 pounds, marry a loser, kiss a cockroach, bitch slap a roommate, swap husbands, teach my kids to swear, spit and sneer, and "secretly" videotape my opinions of others, while skating backwards, dancing the Macarena, and lip synching the Simple Life theme song. Factoring in the fear of being a survivor, it'll be an amazing race to death.

Be thankful for little things: No one flushed the toilet while you were in the shower. You didn't step in cat puke. The rabbit didn't die. The drug test was negative. You didn't poke yourself in the eye. No one spit on you, sued you or stole your underwear. You didn't spill bourbon on your last clean tube-top. The transmission in your car didn't fall out. You didn't lose any money, break any mirrors or walk into any walls. No one cut off your husband's penis. You didn't die. And no one mentioned your bad breath. It's a good day.

The top 100 lists I'd like to read (as written by):

• 100 Most Mispronounceable Words (George Bush)
• How to Adopt 100 Kids in 100 Days and Still Look Your Best (Angelina Jolie)
• 100 Reasons Senior Citizens Shouldn't Climb Trees (Mick Jagger)
• 100 Ways to Ignore Bad Hair Days (Donald Trump)
• 100 Ways to Say I Love You (Tom Cruise)
• How to Convert 50 Cents into a 100 Million Dollars (50 Cent)
• 100 Idle Courtesies (Simon Cowell)
• 100 Ways to Grow up Normal (The Olsen Twins)
• 100 Ways to Do Nothing Famously (Paris Hilton)
• 100 Other Places to Aim (Dick Cheney)

With less than 100 years to live, I realized my writing needed to become more concise.

I also have the attention span (but not the legs) of a centipede, as do many blog readers. My "centesimals" will be opinions, rants, stories, questions, or confessions (as penance for the rants), in exactly 100 words.
Because I've also realized (through trial and error - mostly error) that I'm not the center of the universe, in an uncharacteristic attempt to achieve balance sans vanity, I won't be the central character, and there won't be a central theme.
Goal - 100 blogs in 100 days.