If men had babies, digital time pieces would replace ticking clocks.
Labor Day would be dedicated to men who discovered the difference between epidurals and episiotomies.
Women would learn to suppress their laughter when sweet, swollen spouses could no longer pee standing up or stand up on their own without peeing.
Cold hard cash in fuzzy pink and blue envelopes would constitute a baby shower.
Loosely fitting, furry slippers would become suitable business attire.
Maternity leave would be extended to the end of the first year of kindergarten, with full pay and benefits.
And mother love explanations wouldn't be necessary.