Lightweight or heavyweight, it's no contest. The battle between evil clothing manufacturers and physical imperfections rages. The fighters are in their corners, and the match is about to begin. Round one: The thong is hostile and pushing for a split decision. Round two: The bra plays an endless game of peek-a-boo, hooking and jabbing. Round three: The pantyhose slide below the belt, throwing their opponent off balance. But the majority decision will undoubtedly make the stiletto heels undisputed champions when that final bell rings. At the end of the fight, I'm not a knockout, but I coulda' been a contenda'.