A Handy Reference Guide for Cell Phoners:

You have driven 47 miles in the wrong direction during a heated cell phone conversation and suddenly realize you have no idea where the hell you are - Zoner Phoner.
You do business while doing your business in public restrooms - Throner Phoner .
You bought a cell phone to get a girlfriend, but the only number you can reach is 1-not-aCh-ance - Boner Phoner.
You enjoy lighting up while chatting. Mistaking one for the other, you set your cell phone on fire - Stoner Phoner .
You always mean to return calls but never do - Postponer Phoner .......